I had quite a few topics on which I wanted to expand today, but then came in the way the most destructive mental activity – “worry”. I have always liked to stay out of worry’s way throughout my life. Now you would say everyone does. But, I beg to differ. I have seen people jumping directly into the puddle of tensions, fights, arguments, and just about anything noisy and violent, when they could have just be within themselves and enjoyed the music flowing through the earphones they were wearing. Some people handle bad situations in their lives well, so they don’t mind stepping into them every now and then. Though I have just read in a book that situations are what they are, neither bad, nor good – just situations. It’s your reaction to them that makes them good or bad for you or others.
I, on the other hand, tend to, so easily, get caught into the web of mental agony if something is worrying me. I just can’t throw it out. A heaviness clasps the back of my head, and it refuses to leave. That has been the primary reason I keep all my money invested in the most liquid assets, like bank deposits, mutual funds, bonds. Ask me to buy a piece of land, and I will freak out. I simply can’t bear the pain a big loan inflicts on a person’s mind, or the up-keeping of the land brings about. Likewise, if I have a task to be completed in the office the next day, I find it hard to enjoy ‘today’.
What should be done to pick the worry glands out of your brain? I know most of the times, the solution is right there, available, maybe just an hour away, possibly after the meeting, or the call, but the wait, the very wait kills me. Just for example I had this very beautiful poem all prepared and almost ready to be posted, but then came a phone call, and now I can’t look at the poem at all. I can’t even feel it let alone finalize it. The romance, the poetic thought process is all flushed out.
I have even tried finding a solution to the problem but it involves: first forgetting about it all tonight, and going to sleep (impossible!). Then, getting up early and setting off to a two-hour long journey, and meeting the cause (need to attend the office afterwards too). Behaving mature and all grown-up, when I actually want to slap the person (the cause of course is a human-being). But anger will only escalate the issue further, and again I’ll be left with an issue unresolved. And, that precisely is something I can’t tolerate. Unresolved issues. I have got to finish all of them to be able to relax. And there are too many of them everyday. And the bloody life is too long. Why can’t I simply write and read, sitting comfortably at home? Too much to wish.
Don’t you guys feel tensed about things? How do you tackle the pain worry causes to the head? How should one enjoy while a big, a humongous issue lies open somewhere, a place you can’t reach now – maybe tomorrow – but not now? It would help if I know there are people like me out there, or am I the only one so perturbed?